Thursday, July 10, 2008

Have you ever encountered a crazy old lady?

Like, for-realsies crazy, not fun quirky eccentric crazy but scary malfunctioning-cyborg crazy?
I have. I used to live next door to one. Not just next door like the next house, but like we shared a wall next door. She was awful. Her name was Priscilla, and she had a Jack Russell Terrier named Irwin. I have never hated an elderly person, or an animal, like I hated those two. And at first it made me feel guilty. But then I got over that. This bitch was so crazy and just mean to the core that we actually called the police on her - can you imagine, calling the police on a little old lady? What I really wanted to do was punch her in the face, so I guess it was the better decision on our part. She would stand outside her door and scream obscenities at nobody. She would knock on everyone's door at all hours and just harass the shit out of them for no reason.
One time - get this, this is funny - some new people moved in across the way. They went out, and didn't lock thier door. She let herself into thier apartment, moved thier fucking furniture around, and left a note on thier stereo telling them what number the volume should be at.
She would leave her stupid little mean shit dog outside in his pen for hours and hours - and if you've ever heard a Jack Russell bark, you can imagine that misery up close and personal for 3 or 4 or 5 hours at a time. She would slam her door shut over and over and over again at 2 in the morning, so hard the building shook. She was obsessed with hating the maintenance dude, who seemed like a perfectly nice guy. Anything or anyone she was angry at, she'd call it 'Cushman' (his last name) for instance: 'Goddamned Cushman door!!' she'd scream, when she couldn't get her screen door to shut right. Or 'Goddamned Cushman car!!' when somebody parked imaginarily close to her car.
I find, generally, that hating is a waste of energy. But I hated her. She made me have panic attacks towards the end... what an awful woman. She smelled funny too.

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