I had a request

from a friend to discuss what an asshole fat-free dressing is. Until she pointed it out, I had never given it a lot of thought - but since my friend's diet consists largely of these big huge obscene salads covered in everything you could ever dream of on a salad (which, coincidentally, renders said salad completely unhealthy and in fact quite fattening), I consider her something of an expert.
Fat-free salad dressing: you are a mother fucker. You tout yourself as a tasty, more healthy version of your cholesterol and saturated fat laden cousin when in fact you are a shadow of flavor, a sort of salad glaze rather than a proper dressing. I think the worst offender may be bleu cheese - fat free bleu cheese is certainly a joke played on us health-conscious consumers, perpetrated by advertising assholes who realize that the majority of us are willing to buy into the myth.
Fuck you fat free dressing, I hate you. Don't waste my time.
And for that matter, I'm all set with sugar free candy too - that is some bullshit if I've ever seen bullshit.