Who invented these toys? Because your days are numbered.

My son is playing with 3 things right now, working them like a concert pianist - the Elmo guitar, his Mickey Mouse airplane, and his Animal Train. All of these toys can go to hell. They are loud, tinny-sounding, annoying, they invariably run out of battery juice in that special time a half hour before nap when Alex grows his fangs and horns. They have made me purchase batteries in bulk. I can unscrew a tiny little eyelash-sized screw in 4 seconds flat and swap out batteries faster than my dog can scarf down a stray cheerio. As soon as I hear the toys take on a nightmarish quality I know I need to get the pit crew together before my molar-monster realizes what is happening and loses his mind. When the lights dim and the songs slow, my son stands up and bunches his fists, turns red and grunts in that way that means 'PEON! GET OVER HERE AND FIX THIS, OR IT'S OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!'
I must say though that his favorite - and my least favorite - toy is his big ass tonka truck. My In-laws gave him this toy, this large, heavy, metal, rolling harbinger of destruction. This fucking toy causes more damage to person and home than a wrecking ball, and he wields it with panache. He whips it around corners and into calves and unsuspecting doggies with glee, listening for the inevitable yelp. And if anything accidentally falls into the 'dump' part of his dump truck, forget it. Everything stops and he shoots the offender a look, walks around the side, removes the object in question and drops it on the floor like one might drop a used kleenex. This dump truck is not meant for dumping, or trucking - it is SOLELY a means of bringing pain.
I'd like it if he would play with silent, fluffy toys - but I have a feeling he'd take them apart and bastardize them into something sharp and unrecognizeable. My little Dr. Frankenstein.